I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Drunk is not a location!
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
