there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
