is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You need Xanax blowdarts
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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