I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Randomize
