Is it because I queefed?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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