her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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