I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
