What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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