Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
