Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
