i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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