ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
