cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
