I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
