i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
