New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
