Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
