somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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