Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
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