you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
