She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
