you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
