I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
