Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize