I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Sext me about skeletons
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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