so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
