she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
