You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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