3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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