I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
