The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
