I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
