i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
