No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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