The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
