I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
