you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
