Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He's on the porch naked. Help.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
