OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
whose parrot is this?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Randomize
