I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
