She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
