you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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