you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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