I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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