I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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