She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
