"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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