Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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