Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
