i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
